December 2016 Progress Update

The last few months have gone really well. I have been able to work at a higher level than I anticipated, sticking to an intense routine for two five-week cycles with an easier week in between. I have improved steadily across all areas, but most importantly I have been doing lots of walking (out on the streets and crutches-free), especially in the last five weeks.

When I posted my last update I had just finished tapering off the twice-daily dose of methadone that had been an integral part of my pain management regime for the last few years. A full account of my experiences with opioids and other pain medications (some of which I still need) will have to wait for another time, but suffice it to say that being free of their grasp has been very beneficial. Difficulty sleeping made the first week tough, but things evened out over the next week, and I have been managing seven hours most nights since then. This is less sleep than I was able to get previously, but it has actually been really nice to feel capable of getting out of bed before 9am. Having the time to manage a more relaxed start to my morning has made the days seem less daunting, and overall I have had more energy to devote to my training.

In the first six-minute walk test I did without crutches I managed 425m. I was wobbly towards the end as my legs fatigued, but thanks to my balance work I did not fall over. With the confidence gained from this result I tentatively started going for morning walks in the park across the road. Strength training has still been my main priority, but for three of the first five weeks I managed to go walking three days a week. I did this the morning after my strength days, so my legs were always suboptimal and I was cautious in speed and distance, but stumbling around the park in a sleepy stupor was still beneficial, and sitting on a bench over there soaking in the spring sun without a walking aid in sight felt fantastic after a long and arduous winter.

The rest of my routine was pretty similar to what I was doing in the weeks before the walk test (three intense strength-focused days, three days of an easier workout, and Sunday off), with a few new exercises and increased amounts of others. I started focusing more on (left leg) lunges and bodyweight squats, and I have been improving steadily at them since then. After the first week I was really starting to feel the benefit of discontinuing the methadone, so, finally happy with my energy levels, I decided to stop focusing as much on improving cardio, and started thinking about my time on the exercise bike purely in terms of warm-up and active recovery. This has still meant six thirty-minute sessions a week, but they have been at a level of exertion that usually leaves me more invigorated than when I started.

My plan had just been to try and complete three weeks of an intense routine, so I was pleasantly surprised when I arrived at the end of the third week no more fatigued than the second and my first thought was “okay, lets do another”. The fourth week wasn’t too difficult either, but by the fifth I was well and truly feeling that familiar burnt-out sensation. I had good reason to push through this though, as completing five weeks made my next physio session fall on a rest week, giving me an uninterrupted window of training from then until my planned holiday break.

During the rest week I went back to feeling underwhelmed. The cumulative fatigue was overpowering any performance gains, and I started to feel useless just sitting around the house without the energy to do anything productive. The improvements had been coming at such a rapid pace that all I wanted to be doing was working out, even if I knew that a rest was required. I did no heavy strength work, but on the Tuesday I attempted a walk on fresher legs to see what I could manage. This felt quite good, and while I was still somewhat cautious, I walked 700m in 08:04 at a pace of 11:04/km.

On the Thursday at physio I managed 475m in the six-minute walk test, and generally felt a lot more confident than I had six weeks earlier. However, this didn’t really seem like a big deal after my walk two days prior, and I was bothered more by the inconvenience of having to turn around every 25m now that I had been roaming unbounded. I did get a few new ideas for exercises from the physio though, so it was still a useful session.

Between the 700m walk and physio I had done enough to not feel particularly rested, but I still woke up Monday morning feeling energetic enough to dive back into working out with relish. I thought I stood a good chance of managing another five weeks of a perfect routine, and I decided to see if it would be sustainable to go for morning walks six times a week as well.

I didn’t want to overdo it on a strength day, but my legs were still comparatively fresh on Tuesday, so I went out for my walk with the thought that maybe I would aim for a whole kilometre. I strode with more confidence than the previous week, and felt better and better as the path passed below me and I increased in the certainty that yes I could achieve this without suddenly falling in a heap. In the end I managed 1.1km in 11:13 at a pace of 10:01/km, and I could have walked further if my life downright depended on it. While it felt great at the time, this was definitely too much in the context of the rest of my routine, and later that day and the next my back was the sorest it had been in a long time. It was, however, absolutely worth it.

After the effects of Tuesday’s maximal effort, it seemed sensible not to push it walking any more for the time being. I still ended up going out on 29 of the 30 days I had planned, but I just did the same 500m course every morning, except for two Saturdays when the promise of a rest on Sunday gave me the energy for 800m. My pace fluctuated day-to-day with energy levels and GPS accuracy, and I averaged anywhere between ten and thirteen minutes per kilometre, with eleven-something being most common.

As well as the increase in walking, I generally took things to the next level with the rest of my routine too. I added a short limbering session every morning while barefoot, since my orthosis completely restricts movement of my right ankle. While I cannot control any of the muscles around there, allowing the joint to move freely still enables a greater range of motion in some movements. I also added a few new exercises to my lower and upper body strength sessions, and managed to get through them with less rest and more focus.

I also started consistently doing more static stretching as a part of my recovery workout. I have always done some static stretches here and there, but with the previous condition of my body it was hard to manage a lot of conventional methods, and I never really did as much as would have been ideal. I am at a point now where it is much easier to target most of my body, and I have been doing an hour session comprised of about 80% stretching and 20% self-massage with a lacrosse ball. This has been very beneficial, and I think I will try to increase the session to an hour and a half when I begin training next year. I can now touch my toes in a standing pike stretch, and I am making inroads towards being able to comfortably clasp my hands behind my back.

Another important area of improvement is my right leg, where I have been doing some of the isolation exercises that have worked well for my left. Although I did a lot of right leg strength work using a reformer, I had not done many isolation exercises, and in the areas unaffected by the nerve damage there is plenty of room for improvement. There has even been some progress in an area that is affected; I have managed to successfully complete multiple reps of a hamstring exercise that I thought would always be impossible. It is hard to say what sort of practical improvement focusing on this will bring, but I will continue with it for now and see what happens.

I am still uncertain whether I will be able to improve my right glute at all. Although I have been managing bodyweight squats quite well recently, it is hard to tell if the right glute is actually doing anything during the movement or if other muscles are compensating. My physio has said there are traces of muscle activation there, but whether it will be enough to actually promote growth remains to be seen. I hope that in a few more months I will have a better idea about what improvement if any will be possible there.

In terms of practical achievements, besides the aforementioned walking, I realised recently to my surprise that I can now get down on the ground and back up again without holding on to anything for support. I thought this would be possible eventually, but not so soon, and it has greatly reduced my anxiety over a hypothetical situation where I get abandoned on the ground on a barren plain somewhere. I also have not touched my frame or crutches for a few weeks now. It had been hard to resist them in the morning and evening until recently, but I see no reason now why I should ever need them (barring an injury). For any long distances my wheelchair will still be useful, but otherwise unaided walking should work fine. Maybe a basic walking stick will be worth having for some situations, although I do like the idea of not needing one.

Between the increase in activity and residual fatigue, the second five-week block of training was much more of an effort than the first. Two weeks passed without much difficulty, but by the end of the third I was already starting to begin most days as a zombie amidst fog. The fourth was full of thoughts of skipping workouts, but I put myself into auto-pilot, and before I knew it it was Monday again and I awoke with resigned amusement knowing that if the last week could happen then the coming week was a sure thing.

It is a wholly unique experience, waking up day after day wondering where you could possibly find the energy to complete your scheduled workout, but knowing that you have felt this way every day for the last two weeks, and in the end today is no different, so you get up, go through the motions, and by the time that second coffee has kicked in you are cruising along assured that your perfect routine will continue unabated, and nothing short of grievous injury is going to stand in your way. Having an extended break to look forward to helped, but it is still amazing what a well-cultivated discipline can achieve when all natural drive has vanished.

While the last few months have been difficult at times and very draining, it has been extremely satisfying to be able to work at such a high level for such an extended period of time. Although by the end of the day I am still usually nothing more than worn-out and exhausted, there have been glimpses of great energy that have been very encouraging for what the future may bring. Given the extended focus I have been able to direct towards my training, I should at least be able to manage a reasonably productive existence working on hobbies once I have stopped concentrating so much on rehabilitation.

Only a year remains of my self-imposed recovery period, and if the perceived speed of the last few months is any indication then it will be over before I know it. I had hoped that I might have been able to do more work on this website by now, but just finding the energy to write these updates has been a challenge. If I can make a start on some things over the holidays then it might be possible to make some headway next year, but it might prove necessary to leave anything beyond progress updates for a while yet.

I now have most of the equipment I think I will need to produce some reasonable videos, so I will try and experiment a bit with that during my break and at least get some footage of where I am currently at with my exercises. I will also attempt another maximal walk, but apart from that I will try and do as little as possible for a couple more weeks and, I hope, feel more rested than I have in a very long time once I start training again. I think I will be able to manage at least two kilometres on fresh legs now, although doing so may leave me sore for a few days.

I think a similar routine to what I have been doing will serve me well for a few more months. I had originally thought I would be well and truly back to doing pull-ups and dips by this point, but the isolation exercises I have been doing with dumbbells have proved very useful, and I think it will be better to continue focusing on them for now while keeping up the push-ups, rows and static holds. I now realise what complete denial I was in about how terrible my upper body was in terms of muscle imbalances when I returned home from inpatient rehab, and using dumbbells has proved much more effective at fixing those imbalances than doing bodyweight exercises with poor form.

I have a physio session the week after I plan to resume training, and I am starting to wonder if it will be worth continuing to go there regularly after that. Walking in real world conditions and tracking it with an app seems like a better way of measuring my progress than a six-minute walk test, and it would make life easier not having to plan my routine around going there. I only have appointments every eight weeks at this point though, and it might be still be useful to touch base to make sure I am on the right track with my lower body exercises. If I can manage to train for seven weeks straight then it could fit in nicely…

I am not sure if that will be possible, but after an extended rest maybe it will seem like an achievable task. Either way, with the rate of improvement I have seen as a result of my recent efforts, I will not be able to justify doing anything other than throwing myself against the challenge with the same single-mindedness that has consumed me increasingly as time has slipped away.

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